Ever And A Day
by ShamelessCharlotte
Summary: *Sorry I've been taking so long to update, but I'm back! More shall come soon and more often. I have found inspiration! Emma has a secret that even Manny doesn't know, but did Ellie just catch her? Will it bring them closer? Rating may change. Who knows? Please review. It's my first story. The titles are from AFI songs; the characters are from Degrassi. I own nothing.
1. Sweet Calamity

Okay..I have a little to say before we get started.

This story will be mostly centered around Emma and Ellie, but I may create other character relationships, too. I might not. I dunno yet.

So..here's a better summary:

Emma has a secret that even Manny doesn't know, but did Ellie just catch her?

Will it bring them closer or...

Will they just ignore each other?

Maybe they'll become best friends..

Who knows?

The rating might change. It just depends on what happens.

Please review. It's my first story, and I need positive AND negative reviews.

I'm not a cry baby. You won't hurt my feelings.

And..ideas are always welcome. I may not use them, but they're welcome.

Oh yeah...

I do not own Degrassi.

I do not own AFI.

I only own the creativity it required to come up with the stories I have written, and even in some of them I have borrowed the storyline of the creators.

I OWN NOTHING.

So..

Don't sue me, kay?

Danke.

Now that that's over, we can move on to what you came here for.

**Emma**

I couldn't take it. The anxiety had been building since breakfast, and I had to do something about it. So, I went to the restroom and checked all of the stalls to be sure that no one else was around. As soon as I was sure I was alone, I walked over to the sinks and put my things on the floor. I took a deep breath and stood there for a moment looking at the open stall's toilet behind me in the mirror. I had two options. I could purge, breaking all of my progress, or I could go with option two. I took a deep breath and made my decision. I pulled my wallet out of my backpack and removed a crumbled up piece of paper. I opened the paper to reveal a perfectly new, sharp razor blade. I took another deep breath in an attempt to calm myself, see if I could cope without...coping. It was useless. I had to do one or the other, and I was trying to avoid option one as long as possible. I walked over to the stall behind me to grab a wad of toilet paper. Once I was back at the sink, I put the tissue down and lifted up the left sleeve of my favorite black shirt. I had recently started wearing mostly black because it is slimming and does a much better job at hiding blood stains. Sometimes I don't have time to let a cut clot properly, and I also have a terrible habit of picking at the scabs that have formed.

I pressed the blade firmly against my inner arm and slid it across. The tension released immediatly. I breathed a sigh of relief and closed my eyes, letting the tears and blood fall. The anxiety was gone. I felt peaceful. I felt amazing. I was calm, until she walked in.

"Emma?"

I freaked. I dropped my blade in the sink and quickly grabbed the toilet paper. I placed it on my fresh cut and applied pressure. I hid it with my hand and removed the blade from the sink, hiding it with my other hand, before she got over to me.

"Are you okay?" she asked, putting her hand on my shoulder.

No. I'm not okay. Nothing is. I hate myself more than anyone else could, I cannot stand what I see in the mirror, and I can feel every inch of me move when I walk. It makes me sick! I love being hungry because I know that it means I'm getting thinner, and if I give in and eat something, all I can think about is throwing it up so that I can feel better. I want to be perfect, and I don't want to stop until I believe that I am beautiful. I'm in recovery, so I haven't thrown up in a while, but that doesn't mean that the urge isn't there. It doesn't mean that I do not think about it constantly. So, I cut. I cut to make it go away for just a little while. At least for a moment, I feel released. I feel no pressure. I am happy.

"Uh," I couldn't believe that Ellie, of all people, almost caught me cutting, "yeah. I'm fine." I wiped the tears from my face and faked a smile.

"You've been crying," she said with disbelief. "Are you sure you're okay? Do you need someone to talk to?"

"Really, I'm fine. I'm just having a bad day," I replied, with the hope that she would give up.

"Well, if you ever need to talk, I'll be here. I know we're not best friends or anything-" she pulled out a piece of paper and a pen and scribbled something down, "-but I totally understand what it's like to 'have a bad day'." She handed me the paper containing her number, her face full of concern, and walked into the first stall.

As soon as I heard the click of the stall lock I picked up all of my things, rolled my sleeve down, and rushed out of the restroom. I was terrified. I couldn't believe that I almost got caught. I mean, people knew about my Bullemia, and my eventual Anorexia. Hell, Manny and I purged together when we went on our little diets, but she eventually realized that what we were doing was extremly unhealthy and dangerous. She even realized that I had lied when I said, "May this diet rest in peace," and got me help. In therapy, they taught me "positive outlets" for my "urge to purge" such as knitting or painting, but they eventually stopped working. The urge started to come back, in little waves at first, but it kept getting stronger and stronger until I just couldn't take it anymore. I was sitting in my room one day, and the urge was stronger than ever. So I went to the bathroom, leaned over the toilet, and just as I was about to destroy everything, I saw it. A new pack of razors was sitting on the bathroom sink. I knew self-injury was a bad idea. I knew that it wasn't a safe alternative, but the concept was perfect. I could control my pain. I could control my anxiety. I could control myself. I opened the pack, pulled out a razor, tore it apart, and made the first marks. I was hooked. As soon as I was finished, I realized that I could not let anyone find out. I was pretty sucessful at keeping my secret. No one knew that I was a cutter, not even Manny. I wanted it to stay that way.


	2. So What Befalls the Flawless?

**Chapter Two: Ellie**

I walked into the stall, and she fled. I couldn't believe what I saw. She was crying, and the look in her eyes-not just like she was "having a bad day"-like she was nothing, worthless. I can't believe that _Emma_, of all people, is a cutter. What could possibly be so bad in her life to bring her to that? She always seemed so cheerful. At least, I never noticed that there was anything wrong. Well, we really aren't that close of friends, so we don't hang out anywhere other than school. Maybe I just haven't been observant enough. Maybe I've just been too caught up in my own misery that I was too preocupied to notice her pain. Well, I know she has been through a lot. I mean, lots of people know that she was Anorexic but, even through an Eating Disorder, she never let it show that anything was wrong. It wasn't until she spoke about it during a school assembly about Eating Disorders that I even knew anything had been going on. Of course people expected that sweet litttle activist Emma had something to say, but no one expected the words that flowed so truthfully from her lips that afternoon. Everyone just expected the typical "You're not alone" and "Lots of girls go through this so you should talk about it", not "I have been diagnosed with Anorexia Nervosa. It is an Eating Disorder in which, a lot of the time, the victim completely stops eating in order to gain control or..." Anyway, people know about her eating disorder, but she's in recovery, right? She's better..or getting better, right? Wow. No wonder we aren't that close.

On my way to Media Emersion, I saw her in the hall. She seemed fine, but the look in her eyes told a completely different story. She was empty. Hollow. She wasn't there, not really. It was like she had completely disappeared. How did no one else notice? I have to figure out what is causing her so much pain. I can't help it. There's just something about her. I can't just leave her alone. I need to know more about her. I hope she calls, texts, or _something_.

I couldn't focus in class. All I could think about was the moment I saw the empty shell of what was once Emma Nelson. The minutes sluggishly creeped by, forcing me to try and distract myself with reading. When that didn't work, I pulled out my notebook. Maybe I could work on my novel? No? Okay..maybe just a short story? No. Hmm...Duh! I'm in Media Emmersion. I can get online...Nope. Nothing worked. I couldn't stop thinking about her. I had to talk to her or, at least, let her see that I'm here for her. Whatever _it_ is, I can't let her face it alone.

The last five minutes were the slowest, probably because I kept my eyes on the clock for every last second; however, the bell rang, and I was the first one out the door. I walked at a mostly normal pace to the lunchroom, not wanting to approach her out of breath and sweaty. I didn't care about drawing attention to myself. I'm not exactly the most caring of what others think. One look at the way I dress and do my hair can tell you that much, but I sort of do care about what she thinks. She might be one of the very few people that I know that understands me, or could understand me once given the chance. So, I walked sort of fast but it didn't look like I was in too much of a hurry, just focused on where I was going. Well, I was so..whatever.

I finally got to the lunchroom, and I automatically started trying to find her. I had to talk to her, or _something._ Suffering through a simple fifty minutes of Media Emmersion proved to me how little patience I had. I couldn't just sit back and wait for her to reach out to me. If I do, I may never talk to her again. When my mom had gotten so bad after my dad being shipped off, I had fallen into a very dark place. I had my own way of coping, and I didn't feel like letting anyone else in. Not even Marco, my best friend. I was comfortable in my darkness, and the idea of escaping was uncomfortable. If it weren't for Paige, as wierd as that still is to me, I don't think I would even be here today. I blinked, coming out of my sudden train of thought and back to where I was and what I was doing. I continued looking for her and, finally, I found her. She was sitting alone. Why? I mean, I know she isn't exactly the happiest person at the moment, but why isn't anyone paying any attention? Doesn't Manny have the same lunch period? Shouldn't her "best friend", at least, pay a little more attention?

Okay..why am I getting so upset about this? I mean, sure, being a little angry because one of your friends is down and no one seems to care isn't that big of a deal, but I'm not just a little upset..I'm furious, and right now, nothing else seems more important than letting her know how...important she is to me? I-


End file.
